Why do i keep getting abducted by aliens?

I keep being abducted by aliens. I'll be in my backyard drunk and peeing in the yard and next thing i know i look up and there is a huge mother ship there. They send down a beam of light and always beam me up. When i get inside the thing they all look like clones of Lavar burton (Reading rainbow guy) and they tell me to sell crack. How can i avoid being abducted anymore